Circles In My Head

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I had a weird dream this morning. I was going to a Lifehouse concert, and I was with some friends, and one of them thought she found a page of lyrics that Jason Wade had written, so she took it and gave it to me, thinking that I would appreciate having it. The whole time I was there, I felt kind of bad and guilty about having that page, because I thought maybe Jason needed it. I was also afraid he was going to find out.

It was a concert where there was only one row of people standing at the stage, and I was in the row, and everyone else was sitting down way further back, in the rows of chairs or on the floor in front of them. I noticed I was wearing a shirt that was supposed to say Lifehouse but it was somehow cut off and it only said "Lifehi." I don't know how that makes sense, but it did in the dream. I was thinking "how did this happen? Oh well." So Jason wade was playing some music but he was mostly talking to the fans. He wanted us to sing a song without instruments so he could see if we could hold a tune without going out of key.

After the concert I was talking to the band members, and they were talking about pieces of paper and stuff, and I was so afraid that the missing sheet that I had was going to come up, and like, I didn't want to bring it up, because I wasn't sure that the person who stole it for me would want me to say anything. But later I decided I wanted to return it, so I was talking to Jason later, and it was just the two of us, and I was afraid of how he was going to react. I handed him the piece of paper and I was like, "she took this, I think maybe it belonged to you." And he was like, "Did I write this?" I was thinking how would I know? But anyway, he didn't seem upset at all, so it was cool.

So, I noticed that Alyssa Bernal had an album out, and one of the songs was called "Everybody Knows Jason." The funny thing is that Alyssa toured with Lifehouse a while back and even recorded a duet with Jason Wade. I was so curious about this song that I downloaded it, and I thought it was so amusing that I typed out the lyrics. I have no idea who the Jason in the song is.

Everybody Knows Jason

I wrote another letter for Jason yesterday.
He hasn't replied yet, but really that's okay.
He tends to be quite busy on Tuesdays
And on Wednesdays, but I'm going to call him on Thursday.
My friends call me aggressive. They tell me I need help.
I don't know what they're talking about. I feel swell.
I'm so in love with Jason and he's so in love with me.
He just doesn't know it yet, you see.

'Cause everybody knows Jason, and everybody knows me.
They say that I should leave him alone, let him be.
And everybody says Jason really doesn't care.
Well maybe if I lose some weight, or change my hair...

They say he's in a meeting. I know that that's a lie.
They say they're gonna call the police and I don't know why.
But I know my sweet Jason, he's really quite fragile
But I can protect him from the crazy world outside.

'Cause everybody knows Jason, and everybody knows me.
They say that I should leave him alone, let him be.
And everybody says Jason really doesn't care.
Well maybe if I lose some weight, or change my hair...

Well, I send him lots of flowers, confessions of my love.
He claims he's got a girl. I don't know what he's speaking of.
Jason is a cutie, but he gets a bit confused
But I love him and he's perfect for me.

(chorus)

So, I have a funny story. I was playing boggle with my mom, and I thought maybe I could get the word "bosom," but I completely forgot how to spell it! So I started writing down all these possible variations that I could get, in case they were the right spelling, just to cover my bases. And I knew that if I could get "bosom," I could also get "bosomed," so I had to write down all those variations, too. At the end of the round, most of what I had written down were various misspellings of the word "bosom" and "bosomed." None of them were correct, I found. I was explaining all this to my mom, while keeping my list to myself. And I was a little bit embarrassed at the number of misspellings that I thought might have been correct. I went to get some juice, and I noticed that my mom was looking at my paper, and I blurted out, without thinking, "Don't look at my bosoms!" Then I realized what I had said and we all started cracking up. My dad was in the room too.

So, I went to another Lifehouse event that was this morning at 7:30 in New York at Fox News. I got there at 5:30 AM, and there was no line at the stage, but I'm glad I got there early because Lifehouse was doing their sound check! So I joined Christy and some of her new friends to watch it. A sad story that I never shared publicly before is that I lost the pick that Bryce had given me at the Smoke & Mirrors release concert. It wasn't that I was careless about it, but I thought it might be cool to bring it back to a concert and get Bryce to sign it. So I brought it back to New York last fall, but I didn't get it signed, and when I got home, it was gone. So, anyway, Christy was really nice and she asked Bryce for another pick for me, so now I have one again!

Jason came out to take pictures after the sound check, and Christy and I got a picture with Jason. We had one of those moments where the person taking the picture took a while and had to ask about the camera, so Jason and I were just standing there half-hugging for a couple of minutes. And I got to thank Jason for singing All In All for me! Which I wanted to do ever since he did it. He chatted with us for a few minutes, but I always get these weird blackouts about what they talk about. And then, Vicky called us and said that she saw us, me and Christy, on TV, talking to Jason! The event was televised on Fox News, and apparently we got a lot of air time because we were in the front row! I was excited, because I've never been on TV before! Haha. But also, Lifehouse was awesome. They played a few songs, and Jason talked about the marriage proposal that he did to a guy at a concert!

So, after the show me and Christy and some other friends that I just met went to go hang out and get food, and we randomly spotted Jackson Rathbone in Times Square! He was on the phone, and my friend really wanted to talk to him, but we hesitated and after a while he left. So I had a pretty awesome time. Totally worth waking up at 2:30 AM.

Hey, guys. I've been posting on my new blog for a little while, and I haven't bothered to make much of a big deal about it because I didn't know whether I'd keep it up. But, I think I will, so here it is: Write Before You Write. It's my new webcomic blog, mostly about me and Think Before You Think, and I just wrote an inspirational and complimentary piece about Project Wonderful because I want more people to use it.

I had an amusing incident with my eggs and sausage today, and it was a little sad that I was the only one there to witness it. It was almost like a Seinfeld moment. I was eating a plate of an egg and a sausage on the edge of my desk. When I was cutting my egg, I didn't realize that the pressure point was actually off the edge of my desk at the moment, and the plate flipped over, the egg landed on my arm, and the plate and sausage fell to the ground. My plate was on the left side of my chair, and my left arm was the one that the egg fell on, so I was trying to reach my plate with that arm while still holding it in such a way that the egg didn't fall off. It was a pretty slippery egg, because I had fried it in oil. Anyway, I did manage to pick up my plate and bring the egg to safety.

If I were a country? What's that supposed to mean? Well, I guess since I am a cult, I can also be a country. But patriotism seems a little pointless for a country of one person. And maybe a little arrogant, too. But nonetheless, We'll Never Know by Lifehouse seems like a good one. The royal "We," since I'm a queen now.

1. Find out who put the bomb in the bom shabom.
2. Design a pair of high-heeled gloves.
3. Make oatmeal.
4. Fractalize the alphabet.
5. Microwave different things until something explodes.
6. Go microwave shopping.
7. Learn to speak braille.
8. Put your sister's hand in warm water.
9. If she resists, tell her it's for an experiment, then see how long she'll keep it there.
10. Go bounty hunting.
11. Use the word "stark" as a common adverb to describe a variety of things.
12. Get a hug from Taylor Swift.
13. Whenever you say more than 3 words, first ask your foot for permission to speak.
14. Give someone a nickel whenever someone tells them a certain cliche.
15. Titrate your coffee.
16. Write a pig latin dictionary for blondes.
17. Invent a can-string phone and complain to the phone company about bad reception.
18. Keep a list of the funniest things to say, and only say them when someone is taking a sip of their drink.
19. Talk only in palindromes for a day.
20. Build a gingerbread model of the Eiffel Tower.

I just found this blog from one of my friends on world-changing ideas, and I think it has a lot of stuff in it that I don't normally think about, but that could make gradual differences to improve the world. At the end of each post, there's a list of things you can do to bring the ideas to life. Read it

I've been looking for awesome fan stories with rock stars, and I found the best one yet: ahugfromtaylorswift.com. It's about these two guys who start a website with their mission to get a hug from Taylor Swift, and what's ends up happening is pretty awesome. Here's the page with challenge 1: click here and watch the videos from the bottom up, then go to challenge 2, etc. I'm not much of a Taylor Swift fan, but I still think this is worth watching.

In case this list makes some dent in society:

1. He's just a cute kid. He never did anything to deserve it.
2. He's got some real talent.
3. He got discovered by posting videos on YouTube.
4. He's really nice to his fans.
5. Tracy Chapman sounds like a guy, and people don't hate her for it.
6. He's raising money for Haiti.
7. He has a lot of respect for everyone.
8. He doesn't promote anything negative.
9. Fame shouldn't be a vice in itself.
10. He's a person.

( Fan Crazy, a Lifehouse fan fiction )

Perfect

Everything was perfect.
It was how it was supposed to be.
The music and the dancing
And the light
Made it hard to see.
I wore a pretty dress
Pretty shoes, everything was perfect.
Nothing was all right.
I wore a pretty dress
But the only thing that you could see
Was right through me.

I found this show on Hulu called What Would You Do? It's not that old show from Nick with Mark Summers, it's some ABC News thing. It's a hidden camera show where actors play out dangerous, controversial, or awkward scenarios in front of real bystanders to see how they react. I think everyone should watch it, because personally I don't give a lot of thought about what I would do in certain situations that might require immediate decisions, and that's probably true about a lot of people. All of the scenarios are based on real events that either happen frequently, or happened recently and resulted in some tragedy because no one did anything to stop it. A lot of them are people just acting racist or offensive to see if anyone will stand up to them. I think there's a lot of insight about what exactly needs to be done in those situations, because a lot of people just don't do anything because they don't know what they should do, and I can definitely picture myself being in that boat. And the thing is, I don't see these things happening regularly, at least not to the same extent, and seeing them played out and watching people respond, I think would make me more attuned to noticing when something actually is wrong. It also raises awareness about the assumptions that witnesses make based on the stereotypes of the people involved, and how that affects their response. Watch it

I don't actually own all of these albums, since I don't buy music that often, but this was an assignment, so I came up with these as best I could. I do have the first 3.

1. Smoke & Mirrors by Lifehouse - Amazing album by my favorite band. I bought it the day it came out and I fell in love with it beyond reason. It made all other music seem pointless for almost a month.

2. Flamingo by Brandon Flowers - I was already a big fan of the Killers, but this album trumped all of their music for me. Now Brandon Flowers is my favorite solo artist of all time.

3. Just Another Ghost by Sleeperstar - Breann introduced me to Sleeperstar, and I love it!

4. Invented by Jimmy Eat World - From here on I don't actually own these albums, but I plan on getting this one eventually.

5. Loud by Rihanna

6. The Light Meets the Dark by Tenth Avenue North - Awesome Christian band.

7. My World 2.0 by Justin Bieber - Yes, I'm a Belieber, and I'm not ashamed.

8. Greatest Hits... So Far!!! by P!nk

9. Devil Music by J Minus

10. No Chocolate Cake by the Gin Blossoms

( A Lifehouse fan fiction about Breann )

I had a couple of Lifehouse dreams this morning. In the first one, I was going through all my old Buffy stuff, and I came across a soundtrack that contained a whole copy of No Name Face. I was going to give it away, since I already have another copy, but I found this insert in it that was signed by all the 2001 members of Lifehouse, and it had personal messages to me from each of them, and a general message saying that they loved the songs I sent them. I was like weird, why don't I remember this? I must have been a bigger fan than I remembered back in 2001, and I sent them some songs. I was suddenly really excited because I had found these old messages that Lifehouse had sent to me!

The second one I was at some event that Lifehouse was supposed to be at, but it wasn't a performance, it was something else. I don't know what it was. Anyway, I was standing outside, and I saw Lifehouse going in, and I stopped Jason because I wanted to thank him for what he did for me at the Electric Factory. Then he started explaining that when he first did it, he thought I was someone else, and he made a deal with some other fan that he would take her song request, and he thought I was her at first, but then realized I was me and just went along with it. I wasn't really disappointed, because he seemed so open about it, and he didn't regret it, and I wasn't very surprised, either. Then I went to go look for Bryce so I could tell him something, but he looked like he was always headed somewhere, so I just followed him around for a while until he didn't look busy. Then I said something to him, but he was just like, "Oh, that's cool." like he wasn't really paying attention and he was about to leave so he could get back to what he was doing.

So, today was the first time I saw Lifehouse in the same place again - at the Electric Factory. Yup. It was pretty awesome. I somehow managed to get into the front row, right between Jason and Bryce, even with the VIPs who got in early. Speaking of VIPs, one of my friends who got the VIP gave me their autographed poster! Now I have something that's signed by all four band members. Anyway, the concert was awesome and all.

Soooo, during the acoustic bit, Jason was taking requests. I was thinking of trying to get him to play All In All, but I can't shout loud enough. We always talk about how Jason plays the same songs, and it's like he doesn't even listen to the requests, and he plays Everything even though that comes later in the set. So he was listening and he said, "Take Me Away?" and we were all like, yes, he's going to play something different! And then he was like, "Oh, no, Everything?" Haha. Yeah.

So, after he played Everything, he looked at me and said, "What do YOU want to hear, Sylvia?" I couldn't believe it. I tried to say All In All, but I couldn't speak loud enough, so Sam helped me. I think he got it, because he said, "All In All?" And then he started playing the chorus of the song, looking at me the whole time. After he finished, he said, "That's for you, Sylvia," or something. Fortunately we'll know what the exact words were because Yuliya got the whole thing on video! I'll post that later, I hope.

I just can't believe Jason would do that again. I would have thought a fan only gets one name-specified stage shout-out per lifetime. And not only that, I got a song dedication. Of my choice.

Anyway, When Jason sang Falling In, I was really excited about it, I couldn't stop smiling, and he kept looking at me and smiling. I think he was amused by my amazement.
____

Edit: It wasn't exactly the way I remembered, but here it is: 2 minutes in.

It was pretty cool last night. In line we played my Lifehouse Apples to Apples game, and it was funny. It was great to see everyone again. I wasn't sure how many VIPs there would be and how they would affect our places, but Sam & I ended up in the 3rd row right in front of Bryce, which I thought was pretty good. This time we were really in front of him and not off to the side of the stage. The stage was pretty far from from the railing, though, so I had a really good view of Jason, but there was a tall guy between me and Bryce. The concert was pretty awesome. I'm always surprised at how much I like their performance of Wash. I always think Wash isn't one of my favorite songs, but when they perform it, something clicks. Same with Everything at the end. Everything was their second encore and everyone looked really exhausted, and I was exhausted too, but there was this moment where everything seemed to stop, and I was watching Bryce for a while and he smiled at me. Sometimes I can't tell when Jason is looking at me because his eyes are so shadowed, but looked in my direction a lot and smiled. I think this is the first time I've seen this in real life: Jason sometimes comes down from the stage when he's singing First Time and hops up on the ledge in front of the barricade. He did that this time right in front of where I was. It was pretty cool. I could reach him if I wanted to, but everyone was grabbing for his hand, and I reached for it too but I don't know if I touched him or just a bunch of other fans. Anyway, those were the highlights. I didn't get home until like 3:30 again.

When I woke up I didn't remember right away, but I had this series of Lifehouse concert dreams. I only remember bits and pieces. In the first one it was like a small acoustic concert. Jason was just sitting in a chair playing songs, and he might have been taking requests, I don't remember. But at one point the other band members were doing stuff, and Jason was back in the audience, sitting by this little girl who had tattoos all over her. He accidentally bumped into her and she started bleeding. Jason was like, "oh, sorry, I forgot!" Then Jason sang "You Belong to Me" at the end. Apparently there was an encore, but I had left and I didn't realize, so I was trying to get back to the stage, and I had to climb up all these buildings because I didn't want to waste time scurrying around the stairs and hallways. And then the room for the concert was so small that I couldn't get in, I could only stick my finger in there, and everyone was tiny. Then later I was another concert where there was a stage. It was still just Jason, but someone requested a song and Jason said, "should I just do this one acoustic, or bring out the other guys?" Everyone said bring out the other guys. So Jason went to get the rest of the band, and then they said that if they had the whole band there, the fans were only allowed to come up to a certain point, because otherwise it was a fire hazard. I guess it was because they were using electric instruments. I'm sure there was more, but that's all I can remember at the moment.

So, yesterday I went to see Lifehouse at Frostburg university. This is the furthest I've ever traveled for Lifehouse - the place is a 4 1/4 hour drive from me. And this is one of those concerts where I kept changing my mind about whether I could justify going, and whenever I decided not to, I felt this terrible feeling in my stomach. So, I concluded that this concert was an important one not to miss.

I met up with Sam, who drive us most of the way. And this was the first time I had met her, but I thought we got along swimmingly. Haha. When we got there we met Christine and her friend, who told us Lifehouse was about to get here, and showed us the entrance where they come in. So we went outside, and just that minute, we saw a white van pull up. I looked in the windows, and sure enough, there was Lifehouse. "There they are," I said. And as they started getting out, the other girls sat down behind the wall, so Lifehouse couldn't see them. I was a little confused, but I was in plain sight, so Lifehouse came over and said hi. I didn't know who to respond to because all four of them were there at the same time. But I think I said hi to them. Bryce asked me how I was, and I asked him, and then he asked me if I live around here. I said no, we drove like four hours to get here. So then Sam asked if we could get pictures, so Jason was like "yeah" and everyone was getting pictures with him. I'm not sure what was happening at this point, it gets a little blurry. I think Jason said I should get a picture with him next, and I was like, "I don't have a camera. I have my.." And then the others said they'd get the picture for me. So I stood next to Jason, and I was looking over at the rest of the members of Lifehouse who were just standing off to the side and I was thinking, "Why don't they get in the picture too?" But I didn't say anything. The whole thing just happened. Then Bryce was hanging around and he asked me how the comics were going. "Good," I said. And then I said, "Actually not very well. I'm running out of video blogs." And Bryce said, "Well, I'd make more, if they'd let me." I didn't know what he meant by that. "You should make a comic about that," he said, or something I couldn't really hear. Then I asked him if he got the book I gave Jason and Rick. He said, "Yeah, we read the whole thing. It's awesome (or something) You're very talented." "Thanks!" I said. Then they all went inside.

Later we met Cori, who said she got to meet Lifehouse too. That was exciting. So then it was time for the concert. We had 2nd row seats on the end, but they were actually off to the side of the stage, since the stage was so small. I think they had the same set as they did in Europe, with the same little acoustic-request bit that Rick interrupts during The End Has Only Begun. I really enjoyed it. Bryce gave us some smiles.

So we were driving home, and I was thinking, "wow, Bryce told me I'm very talented." And then I got a text from Cori that said, "Sylvia!!! Bryce says your cool, chill, and he wonders how you can read their minds!" I read it and I was like what. I was really confused - I couldn't fathom the idea that Bryce talks to other fans about me. After everything that happened, I still couldn't get myself to believe this one thing. I kept thinking, "well maybe she meant it some other way." I was just a little crazy, though. Then Cori said she was just talking to Bryce for a while, and she started talking about the comics, and Bryce started talking about how cool I was. Wow. I mean the night was already amazing, but that was just the cherry on the icing. Now, I still don't know what the mind-reading thing was about. I don't know what Bryce is talking about, 'cause I can't even read his mind when he's talking.

This might seem weird coming from me, but in general, I don't like concerts. How have I been to enough concerts to know this? I've actually seen a lot of different bands opening and one headlining just through seeing Lifehouse so many times. While standing through opening bands, I always just want them to be over. And maybe that's just because I'm so impatient so see Lifehouse, but I did decide to watch Daughtry headlining after Lifehouse and and I had that same feeling. I guess I only stuck around for so long because I thought maybe Jason would come back out at the end. And maybe it's because when I see a band that's touring with Lifehouse, it's never a band that I actually like.

Well, don't get me wrong, I LOVE Switchfoot. I thought they were awesome last night. But there were times during when Switchfoot was performing, when I felt like I was just waiting for it to end. Why does this happen with a band I love so much, and that puts on such an great performance? Well, It made me realize a few things about why I love Lifehouse so much, and the little things about their concerts that I take for granted for lack of comparison.

One thing that set the bar for this concert, is that it was my first real Switchfoot concert, so the experience I had to compare it to was my first Lifehouse concert. You probably know the story about my 5th Lifehouse concert, where Jason recognized me. Well, at my first Lifehouse concert, the first time I ever saw Lifehouse, I remember Jason looking at me and smiling at me just like he recognized me. Maybe I was smiling the whole time, I don't remember, but when I walked into that first Lifehouse concert, I was worried. I thought, "I'm not a concert person - what if I don't like it?" And I don't know what Lifehouse did exactly to grab my attention so wholeheartedly and make me want them to not ever stop playing. It's hard to explain.

One thing that I'm noticing the more I see other bands - often their music is so loud and distorted, I can't even hear the notes. All I hear is this loud noise, and it seems like every note is in the same ridiculous pitch. When Lifehouse performs, I can actually hear the music. I can actually hear Jason singing. Another thing - and this is a more subtle thing that, I don't know, maybe it's just my own perception. When most bands perform, their goal is to put on a good performance - to impress the audience. And I think despite a lot of bands' interactive stage antics, Lifehouse is one of the only ones I've seen that actually tries more to connect with their audience while performing than to impress them. Not only to impress them, but to be impressed by them. And the way they do it seems so genuine and quiet, just like my own approach to life. So, I can't help feeling like I'm right there with them, not just watching them. And I'm sure every band has their own way of connecting with the audience that just doesn't resonate with me. I don't like it when opening bands try to get you all hyped up and make you do stuff. Like if I want to get into the music, I will because I like the music, not because you told me to. I mean, I guess it works for most people. I dunno, it just makes everything seem fabricated. I don't think Lifehouse ever asks for much from their audience. Occasionally they have to ask people to stand up, but that's the least you can do, if your legs work. Yeah, so, all the things I don't like about concerts, and still, a Lifehouse concert is the ultimate experience.

So, today I went to see Switchfoot on their headlining tour. This is something I've been wanting to do for a while. After I saw them in the Live Lounge, I thought I wanted to see a bigger show from them, but this one ended up being a little crazy. When The Almost was opening, I just kept getting more and more irritated for some reason. I didn't like them at all, and they got the crowd to start moshing, which the crowd continued to do during Switchfoot's set. Katelyn and I started out about 4 rows deep, due to the Friends of the Foot getting the first few rows, but then after being shoved around a bit, we ended up like 8 rows deep. And I couldn't see much because the crowd was so thick and everyone was so tall and had their arms up. There were some highlights, though. I think Switchfoot themselves did a great job. I have nothing against them from my experience. I think Jon might have pointed at me while singing "You can't silence my love" at some point. And here's my favorite thing that happened: Some guy in the audience was holding up a sign that said, "It's my birthday! Can I play Stars?" And When John was singing stars, he motioned for the guy to come forward, he pulled him on stage, he got the fans to bring the sign forward, and he held it up so everyone could see it. Then he just handed over his guitar to the guy and continued singing! I mean, what an awesome fan moment! That made my night.

Edit: Here's a funny thing. Near the beginning someone held up a pick of Jon's that they got from him earlier, and said they wanted to trade. So Jon threw him his pick, and the fans passed the old pick forward, and eventually Jon grabbed it and started playing again with that one. It seemed kind of pointless to me, but... interesting. The weird things Switchfoot fans do.

So, recently Jason Wade just started owning Lifehouse's Twitter account, which used to be controlled by Bryce. It's really nice to hear from him. His tweets are like snippets of the essence of the blogs he used to write on MySpace. Except with a lot more Chuck Norris. Last night he posted a tweet about how he's been reading stories of how his music has touched people's lives, and they inspire him, so he wants us to keep posting them. One thing I love about Jason - he gets bombarded lots with fan tweets every hour, and he seems to love it - he often replies to people, so we know he's reading them.

I had a dream this morning that I was at a Lifehouse concert. And lately I've been having a lot of dreams about waiting in line at a concert, standing at the stage waiting for the band, being late, etc. But this was an actual dream about a concert. And it was the first concert on the Smoke & Mirrors tour, so anything could happen. Lifehouse brought out a bunch of stage antics they'd never done before. Rick started dancing at one point, and it turned into some sort of animation that had to do with Breann. I don't really get that part. Then Jason started singing a song that had something to do with something I said on Twitter last night. I don't know what it was, but it was the series of notes that proved it. And I was so excited that they had used something from something I said! They were talking to us during the concert, and there was this big empty space between the audience and the stage (because we were in seats) and Lifehouse came down from the stage into that space to interact with the fans. It was an incredible experience. After the concert was over, I was just sitting on the floor, coloring in a book or something, talking to the band members while they were taking stuff down from the concert. The best part of it was that it was an amazing dream, but I didn't wake up disappointed that it was only a dream. The excitement and awesomeness was still with me. Probably because I actually got through the whole concert for once, and I got to fully enjoy it.

I had an interesting dream this morning. I dreamed that it was approaching the time of dusk, but it was still completely light out, as I saw it. I was driving in a car with Kendra, and something she said gave me the impression that she thought it was dark. I was talking to her and I said, "weird, it's still completely light out to me," and she said,"Everything's completely dark to me." I thought it was odd. I had never thought about it before, but I just assumed that it was because some people have more light-sensitive eyes, and dusk falls later for them. Soon after that everything looked dark to me too.

(a parody of Here Tomorrow Gone Today)

You got what you wanted, my tooth on a string.
Found my weak spot and cost everything.
I lay on my back and watched you drill away.
Always kill the marrow but not the pain.
Always kill the marrow but not the pai-ai-ain!

You're all talk and I'm not okay-ay-ay.
I can't take, can't take all the terrible pain.
You know how to get this tooth pulled away-ay-ay.
But can't make, can't make all the pain go away.

A talkin' disaster, all in my face
Just a matter of time before you want my concert place
A maniacal master of torture in vain
Always kill the marrow but not the pai-ai-ain!

You're all talk and I'm not okay-ay-ay.
I can't take, can't take all the terrible pain.
You know how to get this tooth pulled away-ay-ay.
But can't make, can't make all the pain go away.
Got a smile and you call me na-a-ames.
I can't take, can't take all the terrible pain.
You're always lookin' for somebody to mai-ai-aim.
You won't make, won't make this pain go away.

Kill the marrow, not the pain...

I had a weird dream this morning. I was waiting for Lifehouse to post their tour dates, and I went to see Jason in his office. Yeah, he had on office in my dream, and he was sitting at a desk. So I was asking him about the tour dates, and gave me a stack of papers and asked me if I could lay them out on the table by the hall for people to pick up. I guess sometimes fans stopped by to get information about the tour, and he wanted to make it easily accessible. It was weird - like the internet didn't exist or something. I looked at the papers and they had all the tour dates written on them. I was like, wow, I can't wait to actually look at them and see when they'll be near me! So after I laid them out on the table, I went back to Jason's desk to tell him I was finished, and I wanted to stay there and talk to him, but I didn't know whether I should just leave him alone to do his work. That's when the dream changed.

I've been hearing about this Style Statement thing from Kendra and Anna, and it got me curious. Two words that describe your style, they said - one is 80% of you, your core, and the other is 20%. I said Lifehouse, but Kendra protested. When I actually read the materials, I realized it was deeper than just physical style - it's supposed to describe your whole approach to life and help you accomplish your goals or something. I like the idea of trying to sum up my whole self with two words. I'll have to read the whole book someday.

What I've come up with so far is essential, and I'm searching for some word that means idealistically creative.

So, Katelyn texted me at like 5:30 this afternoon saying she won passes to the Switchfoot thing tonight and her guest bailed, so I could come! That was unexpected. We were supposed to get to the place at 7:30, so it was all so quick. This was the same place I saw Lifehouse at PST. I've never seen them before today, so it was pretty exciting. I expected them to do 2 songs like Lifehouse did, but they played 5 songs and did some questions and answers. I didn't ask them anything. It was pretty fun, though. Afterwards we did a meet & greet and we got a picture with them and a signed photo. Oh, I should probably mention that it was just Jon and Drew, not the whole band. I introduced myself to them. You know, I know it's strange for me to say this, but it's weird meeting a band I love and feeling like I know them when they don't even know who I am. This is the first time it's happened that way. I told them I loved their video blogs and their music, and then we left. I don't know when they headline again, but I definitely want to see a real concert from them. The live lounge is such a stifling environment for a band like Switchfoot.

I painted this box to keep my little Lifehouse things in, in case you didn't think I was crazy enough already.

( yes, this is another very awkward dream. Click to read )

I've been having consecutive Lifehouse dreams lately. Most of them are pretty boring, but I posted these two on a forum, and I thought I'd document them here:

I had a dream this morning that I was hanging out after a concert looking for Lifehouse, and I saw Rick and Bryce coming out of the bathroom. It was kind of weird, because I think it was one of those single-room bathrooms. Anyway, I was really excited, and I started talking to them. Bryce mentioned my comic book because he hadn't seen me since he got it. I thought I'd see if I could find Jason. We were inside some building, and I found him sitting down on the floor of a hallway having a serious conversation with a fan, who was also sitting on the floor. I thought, "oh, he's busy." But I still wanted to say hi to him, so.. (and I have no idea why I did this) ...I asked him if I could touch his head. I think he said yes, and I just put my hand in his hair and then walked away. I came back later and I actually talked to him.

Next day:
I just had another dream this morning that I got to go to another acoustic Lifehouse event with Karen and Marcia. We were there talking about some contest they were having, and you had to e-mail in. Then I looked over and Jason and Rick were already ready to perform, and there were about 3 people standing in front of him watching. I don't know why I didn't notice them before. I looked over and Jason and waved at him, and he said, "Hey, Sylvia! Are you gonna enter the contest?" I was like "not right now" or something. I didn't have any way of accessing my e-mail. He was like, "aw, why not?" and he started saying things I didn't really hear about how to enter the contest. I wanted to respond positively, but I didn't know what to say. I looked back at the people I was with, and then I decided to go up to the stage (or floor in front of them). It turns out Marcia was the winner of the contest, so they took her backstage, and I think the prize was to act out some sort of peter pan scene with the band. So Jason started picking her up and flying her around. It was really weird.

I was trying to count how many songs mention the theme of being lost. Many of these lyrics are disputable. You can tell me what you think.


"How did I end up here? Closer to nowhere in the middle of nothing." -What's Wrong With That
"At the end of the day, I can make my way out of here." -Better Part of Me
"Every time I lost my way, you were there to break my fall." -Running Away
"I am running, not sure where I'm going" -May
"I'm running and not quite sure where to go." -Hanging By a Moment
"I'm just trying to find my way." -Trying
"Would someone tell me how did I get here?" -Anchor
"Now I feel lost inside of my own name." -Out of Breath
"I tried to make my way to you, but still I feel so lost." -Take Me Away
"Where do I go from here? I guess I'll find out as I go." -Empty Space
"You say you feel lost, can I help you find it?" -Come Back Down
"You got my head spinning, I don't know where to go from here." -You and Me
"So you lost your way." -All In All
"All this time we're going nowhere and we know it." -Into the Sun
"Do you feel lost inside of someone else's life?" -We'll Never Know
"Tell me where to go from here, tell me how to find another way." -Through These Times
"I woke up this morning, don't know where I'm going." -Disarray
"We're lost in this but it feels like home." -First Time
"I'd be lost without you and never find myself." -Whatever It Takes
"I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home." -Broken
"There's stop signs on the wrong highway and it's so dark looking for answers but your headlights already gone out, you're looking for a spark" -Signs of Life
"I was only looking for a shortcut home, but it's complicated." -It Is What It Is
"Without you I'm just lost." -Falling In
"When I feel lost and I can't find my way" -By Your Side

I don't know how long ago I wrote a post called "How to embrace music." Well, I could go back and look for it, but I don't think I will. I wanted to write more about some of the things I wrote about then, but I don't remember what I wrote exactly. Oh, well. Forgive me if I say some things I said before.

I think I approach music differently from most people. Maybe when you hear a song, it's just a song to you, and what you know about it doesn't affect how much you like it. Not so with me. When I hear a song, everything I know about the artist and all their other music is tied up in that song along with whatever meaning and emotions I get from it. When those things seem to clash with each other, I feel conflicted when I hear the song. For instance, if I hear a nice, heartwarming song by an artist who I know is a terrible person, I just can't enjoy the song, no matter how much I want to like it. That never happens, though - that's only an extreme example. Most often, I just don't know much about the artist or their other music, especially when I'm listening to the radio. So I hear a song and think I'm getting something out of it, but I have no idea whether that meaning was intended or what. So I hear a song I like and I think, "If only the songwriter really meant that. But I'll never know." and it leaves me feeling empty or uncertain. When I should LIKE a song, it just leaves a hole - it leaves me longing for some kind of certainty I don't have. At least it used to... before I learned how to embrace music and found fulfillment in it. This is starting to sound like the introduction to one of those self-help books. Haha. But really it's just about my obsession with Lifehouse. Surprise, surprise.

A Lifehouse song never leaves me feeling empty or uncertain about the sincerity of its truth. I've learned enough about Jason Wade and all of his songwriting to know where it all comes from and what he means by it. When I first listened to all the songs from albums 3 and 4, what struck me the most was the consistency - the way every song seemed to hold all the truth and compassion of every other song - and that fit perfectly with the way I've always wanted to hear music but never been able to before. And it was also true about the first two albums, but I had heard them at different times and not noticed as much. Now I can be sure of it. I can love it just as much as I've ever wanted to, and I can't describe how amazing that is. I'm trying not to sound too insane, but I don't know if it's working.

I was told this had to be done:


2000 - 2001 (No Name Face era)


2002 - 2003 (Stanley Climbfall era)


2003


2004


2005 - 2006 (Lifehouse era)


2007 - 2009 (Who We Are era)


2009


2009 - 2010 (Smoke & Mirrors era)


2010

I posted this on facebook in the photo captions, so it has some things I already posted on here.

I wanted to remember the Lifehouse comic book. I only made one, and it belongs to Lifehouse now. So I took pictures. The only reason I was attached to the book itself is because I knew Lifehouse would own it eventually. Kind of like when you get a pick and it's special because it used to belong to them. This is the same, except backwards in time. I met Jason and gave him the book. Then I met him two days later and he said he loved it and he showed it to the others and the whole band loved it. Rick was there too. He asked me if I made the whole thing. He said he loved how the book was stitched together, and I told him I sewed it together myself. I think he was impressed. Goodbye, book. You're going to a good home now.

So when I woke up yesterday I got an e-mail that said I won passes to this WSTW private performance and meet & greet today! Since my friends all won passes too, I gave my guest pass to Karen so that she, Marcia, and her mom could all get in. Then last night I realized there was a problem with the car, so I started freaking out on facebook, and I got a call from Karen's mom saying that she'd drive me to the thing today! Amazing how everything works out. So, they were really nice people and I got to hang out with them the whole time.

The whole event was pretty short. Jason and Rick only played 2 songs and then they did a photo line. During the 2nd song there was this whistling sound like a teapot, and Jason and Rick started cracking up. Jason was like, "I think the water's ready." So then I got in line for a photo. When it was my turn Jason said "Hi Sylvia!" and he hugged me. I said "It's been a while" or something. (because it had been two whole days) He said he loved the comic book, and Rick said he loved it too. I said "Thanks!" I said, "Did you show it to.." and they said "Yeah, they loved it too." Talking about Ben and Bryce. While we were posing for the photo, Rick said "So you made the whole thing yourself?" and he loved how it was sewn together. I said I sewed it together myself, and he said, "Really?" Then I said it was nice to see them or something, and went off, and they gave me an autographed photo exactly like the one they gave me on Sunday. It was even signed in the same places. So, that was it. I guess now I can't pretend anymore that Jason hates the comics.

Edit: Photos from the website! Haha - I forgot to take ANY photos with my phone, I was so caught up in the moment.