Circles In My Head

I had a dream this morning about Pushing Daisies. Ned and Chuck realized that they could touch as long as there was clothing between them, so they started hugging all the time. Then someone discovered this mask you could wear that made undead people immune to Ned's touch. Olive stole it from the lab where it was, and wouldn't give it away, and Ned and Chuck were trying to think of ways to get it from her.

I dreamed I was playing rock band with Lifehouse. At first I was subbing for Ben, because he had somewhere else to be, and I was playing guitar for their concert. In the dream I knew how to play guitar. But then it turned into a game of rock band, and I was playing the guitar hero thing. Then after we finished one song, I was like, "Rick, I want a turn with the drums now." He was a bit reluctant to give them up, but he said I could after they took a break. So I went to the bathroom and when I got back they were already playing. I was kind of annoyed, so I stole the mike from someone (I don't think it was Jason, it was just like some faceless person) and started singing. I never got to play the drums before I woke up.

I has another dream this morning that Jason Wade was driving a bus that I was on. I was riding in the front of the bus right behind him, and I was asking him about Myster-E. But this time he wasn't a regular bus driver, it was just that a group of people were going somewhere, and he was the leader, so he was driving the bus. What is it with these dreams about Jason Wade driving buses? I tried to look it up in my hidden meaning of dreams book, but they don't have a section on celebrity idols driving buses. I guess it's not that common of a dream.

This morning I dreamed that I was in the back of a car and Coleman was driving, but I thought I had fallen asleep in the back of the car, and I was dreaming. So I asked Coleman to say something to wake me up, but then I realized that he couldn't really hear me because I wasn't really saying anything - I was asleep. Anyway, as it turns out, I wasn't really in the back of a car. I was in bed.

Sometimes it's so frustrating. It's like sleep is this thing that you're trapped in and you don't always know how to escape. It's kind of scary when I think about it. In fact I've had a lot of experiences where I was panicking because I couldn't wake up, and I was really scared. You can't speak, you can't move, you just have to figure out how to escape your paralysis mentally.

I had a dream about the Sunday Night Thing meeting today. I dreamed we were all waiting and Brian still hadn't showed up yet, and it was 1/2 hour past beginning time, so I called Brian on the phone and then he was Michael from the office, and he kept making excuses about why he wasn't there and that someone was supposed to remind him. Anyway, I don't think I could get him to come, and I remember thinking it would be a lot of work to try to convince him. The dream was also full of awkward incidents like people standing naked in a co-ed public bathroom, and some guy wanting to sleep on the floor next to my bed. It didn't seem awkward, though. It seemed kind of normal in the dream.

I had another dream this morning about Lifehouse. Jason was having a photo shoot or something in a city nearby. I didn't know where in the city the photo shoot was going to be, but I drove to the city to stalk him. I parked in a parking lot, and coincidentally, it turned out to be the same parking lot that Lifehouse's tour bus was in. When I got out of the car, I saw Jason motioning in my direction for someone to come toward him. I didn't know whether he was motioning to me, but I went over and by the time I got there, he was gone. I think he had gone into the bus. So I was sitting outside with some other stalker-fans who had also heard about the photo shoot. I think at one point I went inside the bus because I asked someone if I could and they let me. So the bus had two stories, and I was in the downstairs, just sitting there, and I thought to myself, "If Jason comes down and finds me sitting in his bus, waiting for him, he's really gonna be freaked out." So I went back outside, and there was something going on with one of the girls and the guy from Rock of Love that I watched yesterday for the first time. Eventually I saw Jason riding away on his bike and we were all like, "Oh, darn, he escaped!" Everyone was talking about how the photoshoot was going to be at a wedding shower somewhere, and talking about finding it. I think I gave up the stalking act at this point. When I woke up I was kind of frieked out by my behavior and my frame of mind. It was one of those Lifehouse dreams where I wake up and I'm releived that it didn't really happen. Especially because he knew we were stalking him, and by the end he was trying to get away from us, but we didn't care. I think I know what triggered the dream, though. Yesterday I "accidentally" found some listings for Jason and Bryce that had phone numbers and addresses. One of those sites where you have to pay for the information - but this site I'm convinced is eerily thorough and accurate. I wasn't looking for it at first - I was just searching randomly to earn some swag bucks. So I was thinking about the fact that I could, hypothetically, if I ever wanted to, buy the contact info and try calling Lifehouse. Of course, it would be really awkward and I would probably always regret it. If they want to talk to their fans, they know where to find us.

I had a dream that Jason Wade was the driver of a bus that I took regularly. I didn't think it was weird, because it had been happening for a long time, but it occurred to me during the dream, why would he drive a bus when he's a rock star? So I happened to be walking with Lifehouse at some point, and I asked Jason, "So why do you drive a bus?" He said, "Because it's good for me. It helps me balance." I asked, "Can you step in a way that shakes the whole world?" He said yes. It didn't make much sense, but that's what happened. Apparently in the dream, driving a bus was some kind of strenth exercise that makes you be able to focus your body's strenth in precise ways so that all of your force is going in one direction. That's why I asked the second question. I thought that was cool.

Sometimes I just can't stop spilling my random thoughts into the depths of cyberspace. No matter how I try to contain myself, and sometimes I can't think of anything to say. I forget why I started typing, but I did have something I wanted to say - some point I wanted to make.

Speaking of points, I had a dream that I was desperately trying to convince people that red is NOT a primary color. And you know (if this ever happens to you) when you wake up and you still feel all the emotions of the dream? Well, I woke up and I felt this strong desire to convince the world of this fact: that red is not a primary color, except with light. And I thought, how should I do it? Should I post it on forums? If I just write a blog post, not enough people will see it. Why didn't I ever write an article for the school newspaper about this?

Anyway, it kind of wore off thoughout the day, but I still think the world desserves to know the truth, and teaching falsities in elementary school is leading the whole world astray. Why? I asked my childchool self when I was a child. Why is this purple so brown, and if I buy purple at the store, it's so much brighter? Because you can't make purple with red paint!!!! You need magenta. If only I had known back then. Why do you think the printer has cyan, yellow, and magenta? Arbitrary ink colors? No. Printers are smart - they know how to mix colors to get the right colors.

Maybe someone decided cyan and magenta were too girly to be primaries. How would Superman look sporting a cyan spandex suit and a magenta cape? Probably not much more ridiculous than he does now, but less masculine and bold.

There are very few things about which I have strong conviction, and this is one of them. How could the general public be so blind? All it takes is a little experiment in paint mixing to prove I'm right! I guess this is like when they believed the world was flat, and there are some Chris Barbers who just can't adapt from the ways they were taught to think.

So, I just entered a lifehouse creativity contest. It's no big deal. Lifehouse isn't involved it it, and the prizes are small. But I had a dream about it. I entered a painting I made that I think is the best painting I've ever done. In my dream, the results were up, and the listing for my entry was the wrong photo - it was a photo that I had used as a link, not the photo of my painting. And the link photo was just a photo that I had added a weave texture to in Gimp. It looked terrible. But the worst thing was that the winner of the contest - first of all the contest has four categories: writing, art, graphics, and video. The winner was someone who had entered the writing contest and written an idea for the next contest. And her idea was who can come up with the best contest! I was so annoyed! I mean it wasn't a talented piece of writing, nor did it have anything to do with Lifehouse! Anyway, I don't really care that much, but you know how dreams are.

I had another one of those embarrassing dreams this morning. I was coming to a dessert party, and everyone was supposed to bring some kind of cake. A lot of people's cakes were the same. I brought some kind of round mocha cake. For some reason, Miriam was covered in garden soil, and we were all tracking it into the house. I think she had fallen into the dirt. Or someone had pushed her. Anyway, we were all going around saying what kind of cake we brought and cutting pieces and passing them around. By the time we got to me, I realized that my cake was already gone because I had been eating it and giving pieces to the people closest to me. I was trying to explain that I didn't eat the whole cake, but I might as well have, since so many people brought the same kind as me. When I thought about it, I remembered that I had actually eaten about half of the cake, which was more than I thought I had. Then I was trying some of someone's white cake, and someone asked me if I wanted sauce on it. Apparently it's supposed to go with this special sauce. So I thought I was getting some of the sauce, but I actually accidentally took another piece of the cake. The pieces were small, so I thought it was no big deal. But then I looked down at my plate, and there were three pieces of cake there! And the next time I looked there were four pieces! Oh, no. Now I looked like a gluttonous pig. I remember people looking at my plate and giving me strange looks.

Sometimes when I'm sick, I have these sort of half-dream like illusions in my head when I'm sort of sleeping. This morning I had an illusion that I was inside the song "Somewhere In Between." I was thinking about the song, and imagining I was Jason when he wrote it for his girlfriend (back before he was married), and thinking about the phrase "give me a few more hours, and I'll have this all sorted out." But I wasn't just thinking about it, I was almost dreaming that it was my life. Then I awoke from my hypnogogic state and went to the bathroom. It then occurred to me that the chorus was "I'm somewhere in between what is real and just a dream." And I was. Weird.

I had a dream the other night like dreams I often have. I was at a Lifehouse concert, and I was in the very back. I think it was outside, too. I remember standing on a grassy hill at dusk, and the people in the back were further apart. And it was wierd, because even though it was a standing concert, there was an aisle down the middle. Jason was singing something like First Time, and he started walking down the aisle. He walked up to me and gave me two of his picks. I remember being really happy about it, but in reality I'm not the type of person who values physical tokens. I'm not the one who tries to get the picks at concerts. Anyway, after the concert I went out to the bus and the band was there, and I think I got to meet them, but I don't remember that part. I just remember being excited that I had gotten things, and then waking up and thinking, "Well, I should have known. It always turns out to be dream."

But the thing is, that's not true anymore. I used to have dreams about encountering Jason somehow in some weird context, and then wake up and be disappointed. But one time it happened, and it was just as surreal, just like all my other dreams, except it really did happen - it wasn't a dream. So the logic doesn't really work anymore. But the dreams are so strange and vague, and often wordless exchanges, that nowadays I wake up and think, "But that's not nearly as cool as what really happened!" So I'm not really disappointed anymore. My subconscious mind has a lot to live up to.
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I don't know if I told you about this one. It was pretty early, like in the fall. I got to the concert early, and no one else was there, even though I was in the concert hall. (which never happens. People are always lined up hours before doors open) So Lifehouse was on the stage, practicing, and I started talking to Jason about homeschooling, because I was homeschooling my sister. I don't know why I was talking about that, because at the time I had the dream, I didn't even know that Jason was homeschooled. Anyway, after the concert, Jason came up to me and tried to kiss me, but I told him he couldn't because he was married. I think that made him respect me more, in the dream. At least that's what I thought at the time. But if that were true, why would he try to kiss me it the first place? He wouldn't. Unless it was one of those French greetings.

I had a dream that I was asleep and Becky wanted the bean bag chair I was sitting on, so she tried to wake me up by drizzling honey on my head. When I first felt the honey on my face, I realized I was more alseep than I thought, because I could hardly move. Finally I got up, and there was honey all over my hair. I started washing it out, but it took forever. I was kind of annoyed. Why did she have to use honey?

I had a dream this morning that I was shopping with some friends (Becky, Skye, Miriam maybe?), and we went into some different stores. I wasn't sure how much money was in my bank account, but I bought some bread and cheese. We all bought bread and cheese, so I felt like I had to or it would be awkward for some reason. And I was pretty sure I had used up my money after that. Then (and this doesn't really make sense, and I don't know how to explain the purchasing principles behind it) the others came back from a different store and said they had bought some things for me that they thought I would buy if I were in that store, and I had to pay for them! I had no idea how to handle the situation without making it awkward, but I just ended up giving everything back and saying "I don't want these things! I can't buy them! Take them back!" They were kind of annoyed at me but what else was I supposed to do? People are so unreasonable in my dreams. I remember that they were things like a really weird-looking hat, some gloves, maybe? and some other things that I would never think of buying. Like a wicker basket.

I had a dream this morning that I randomly decided to drive back to Cornell University. I didn't tell anyone I was going. I was in the car, and I knew how to get there, so I just went. I didn't even tell Anna. When I got there, I felt guilty, because Anna didn't know I was coming, but now that I'd driven all this way, she'd probably feel obligated to hang out with me, which means she'd have to drop all of her other plans. But then I abandoned her and drove somewhere else. Like to a concert or something. I didn't even tell her I was going. I just left without a word, and then I felt guilty. When I got to where I was going, it turned out Anna was there, too. Strange, huh? So then I drove back home again, and tried to rationalize all of the useless driving I had done. But the truth is, everything I did in the dream, I didn't realize I was doing it until after I had started, and I had to continue doing it to rationalize my choice. (Even though, when I look back on it, it wasn't even my choice.)

I have a lot of dreams with this characteristic: Being thrown into a situation and being tricked into thinking I got there by making choices, and then having to deal with the consequences. It's the strangest thing, and I don't know if other people experience it too. But these kinds of dreams feel different from anything else, because they make me do things that I would never do, and then react as if I did them.

And I always hated that game where people say, "You do this and end up in this situation. What do you do?" and I react, "I wouldn't get myself into that situation in the first place!" But that's exactly what it is. And that's why when things get really bad and I get into a tight spot, I think "Maybe this is one of those dreams. No, I guess it's real and I have to deal with it." And then it ends up being a dream anyway and I wake up. But one time it wasn't a dream! But I won't get into that.

This morning I slept in the bed of Anna's imaginary roommate. (I assume she's imaginary because she's never there when I visit.) There were two instances in which I awoke from the sensation of being trapped. The first instance was vague, but I remember trying to escape from a small space, and waking up feeling claustrophobic and relieved. The second time was more memorable. I dreamed that I lived in a little house the size of a coffin, but the shape of a house. I was all crouched in the little house, and it was basically just a hole in a vast amount of solid mass. There was no way out, because it was solid all around. I started to wonder how I could be living like this. Where would I get food, water, air? What would I do? I started to freak out and thinking there must be more to the world than just this; how do I escape from it? There must be a way out even though there is nothing but solid wall for miles all around me. Again, I was claustrophobic. I woke up, and I was so relieved that I had escaped. Maybe it was the heat. The room was over-heated.

I dreamed that I forgot that time was one-dimensional. Here's how it happened (this is all I can remember): I was talking to someone about how I we were going to do something for an hour. I was picturing an hour as being in the shape of a time zone on the surface of the earth, and I thought, wait, she can't mean that whole wedge all the way from the north pole to the south pole, so I said "An hour by what?" and then I was like "Wait. Time is only one dimensional. An hour is just an hour." Then I woke up.

But I remember reacting somewhat like I would if someone said I could have ten feet of floor space.

I dreamt that Anna had come home, and she had to go back to school again for an exam that she had decided not to take, but her Mom said she really should go back and take it, so she wouldn't be back until a lot later, because she was staying for a bunch of days - like right before Christmas. I was really mad, because she said she'd teach me how to make stained glass ornaments, and that wasn't going to happen yet. I was screaming at her.

Strange - I never get angry in real life, but I get angry in my dreams. I think it might be because in my dreams, people are so unreasonable that I can't communicate with them using normal logic. I get so frustrated with their lack of common sense that I blow up at them. Stupid dream people. But also I get a lot more passionate about things. I have to find some way to deal with everything around me that isn't making sense, that isn't going to turn out the right no matter what I say. It's like I don't influence people at all.

If you found out that you were invisible, wouldn't you start screaming and freaking out at people, trying to get them to notice you? Have you ever dreamed that you couldn't speak, no matter how hard you tried? It's kind of like those dreams - I could speak, but no one seemed to hear what I was saying. Maybe I'm beginning to understand why people get angry sometimes, because I haven't really understood that emotion much before.

I met a man this morning in my dream who said he was a vegetarian because he thought it was immoral to kill or eat living creatures. I asked him about insects, and he said yes, them too. He would never hurt a fly. But he does eat vegetables - he's not one of those dirt-eaters. Although I did bring them up. He turned out to be a really nice guy. When I woke up I remembered that he was protecting me from something. And I missed him. If only he were real.

Well, I have to get working on my crafts with the craft sale rapidly approaching. Bye.

I dreamed that I had for some reason sprinkled Abby’s homeopathic pills all over the floor of something, and after I realized it, I was trying to pick then up and discretely put them back into the tiny jar, without anyone noticing. Alyson Cole was there, and I was talking to her, and she was in a made where I thought and was hoping that she wouldn’t find out what I was doing, and even if she saw, she wouldn’t know what they were. She did see the white dots, though, and she asked me what they were. She said, “Are those sugar pills all over the floor?” I said “Shh!” She said, “Why are you being dishonest? You’re trying to put them back without Abby noticing?” Then I felt really bad. I thought “This is like one of those dreams where I’ve done something awful, and even though I have no control over it, I feel guilty and I’m in trouble.” Then I realized that I was dreaming. I saw Katrin. I said, “Hey, Katrin, did you know that I’m dreaming?” She said, “Either I’m dreaming or neither of us is, because I’m conscious.” Then I said, “No, you’re not.”

I dreamed that part of my family, including me, died and went to the spiritual world. I though, “Oh, good. Now I’ll be able to think clearly about spiritual things and understand them better.” I was looking for my conjugial partner, and there was this boy who was covered with crumbs. I was like, “This isn’t him!”

I dreamed it was raining blueberry muffins, and I was eating some. Later I wanted it to rain donuts, and it was raining water, but I saw a donut shape form in the sky, so then it started raining watery donuts, since it was partly raining and partly donuting...

I dreamed that we went to the cathedral, and Melanie was saying something to me about how I forgot to pay the offering. I told mom, and she made a fool of herself. She borrowed a whole bunch of someone’s money, went up to the preacher while he was preaching, and asked for change. He was amused by it...