I had a dream the other night like dreams I often have. I was at a Lifehouse concert, and I was in the very back. I think it was outside, too. I remember standing on a grassy hill at dusk, and the people in the back were further apart. And it was wierd, because even though it was a standing concert, there was an aisle down the middle. Jason was singing something like First Time, and he started walking down the aisle. He walked up to me and gave me two of his picks. I remember being really happy about it, but in reality I'm not the type of person who values physical tokens. I'm not the one who tries to get the picks at concerts. Anyway, after the concert I went out to the bus and the band was there, and I think I got to meet them, but I don't remember that part. I just remember being excited that I had gotten things, and then waking up and thinking, "Well, I should have known. It always turns out to be dream."

But the thing is, that's not true anymore. I used to have dreams about encountering Jason somehow in some weird context, and then wake up and be disappointed. But one time it happened, and it was just as surreal, just like all my other dreams, except it really did happen - it wasn't a dream. So the logic doesn't really work anymore. But the dreams are so strange and vague, and often wordless exchanges, that nowadays I wake up and think, "But that's not nearly as cool as what really happened!" So I'm not really disappointed anymore. My subconscious mind has a lot to live up to.
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I don't know if I told you about this one. It was pretty early, like in the fall. I got to the concert early, and no one else was there, even though I was in the concert hall. (which never happens. People are always lined up hours before doors open) So Lifehouse was on the stage, practicing, and I started talking to Jason about homeschooling, because I was homeschooling my sister. I don't know why I was talking about that, because at the time I had the dream, I didn't even know that Jason was homeschooled. Anyway, after the concert, Jason came up to me and tried to kiss me, but I told him he couldn't because he was married. I think that made him respect me more, in the dream. At least that's what I thought at the time. But if that were true, why would he try to kiss me it the first place? He wouldn't. Unless it was one of those French greetings.

I had a dream that I was asleep and Becky wanted the bean bag chair I was sitting on, so she tried to wake me up by drizzling honey on my head. When I first felt the honey on my face, I realized I was more alseep than I thought, because I could hardly move. Finally I got up, and there was honey all over my hair. I started washing it out, but it took forever. I was kind of annoyed. Why did she have to use honey?

I had a dream this morning that I was shopping with some friends (Becky, Skye, Miriam maybe?), and we went into some different stores. I wasn't sure how much money was in my bank account, but I bought some bread and cheese. We all bought bread and cheese, so I felt like I had to or it would be awkward for some reason. And I was pretty sure I had used up my money after that. Then (and this doesn't really make sense, and I don't know how to explain the purchasing principles behind it) the others came back from a different store and said they had bought some things for me that they thought I would buy if I were in that store, and I had to pay for them! I had no idea how to handle the situation without making it awkward, but I just ended up giving everything back and saying "I don't want these things! I can't buy them! Take them back!" They were kind of annoyed at me but what else was I supposed to do? People are so unreasonable in my dreams. I remember that they were things like a really weird-looking hat, some gloves, maybe? and some other things that I would never think of buying. Like a wicker basket.

I had a dream this morning that I randomly decided to drive back to Cornell University. I didn't tell anyone I was going. I was in the car, and I knew how to get there, so I just went. I didn't even tell Anna. When I got there, I felt guilty, because Anna didn't know I was coming, but now that I'd driven all this way, she'd probably feel obligated to hang out with me, which means she'd have to drop all of her other plans. But then I abandoned her and drove somewhere else. Like to a concert or something. I didn't even tell her I was going. I just left without a word, and then I felt guilty. When I got to where I was going, it turned out Anna was there, too. Strange, huh? So then I drove back home again, and tried to rationalize all of the useless driving I had done. But the truth is, everything I did in the dream, I didn't realize I was doing it until after I had started, and I had to continue doing it to rationalize my choice. (Even though, when I look back on it, it wasn't even my choice.)

I have a lot of dreams with this characteristic: Being thrown into a situation and being tricked into thinking I got there by making choices, and then having to deal with the consequences. It's the strangest thing, and I don't know if other people experience it too. But these kinds of dreams feel different from anything else, because they make me do things that I would never do, and then react as if I did them.

And I always hated that game where people say, "You do this and end up in this situation. What do you do?" and I react, "I wouldn't get myself into that situation in the first place!" But that's exactly what it is. And that's why when things get really bad and I get into a tight spot, I think "Maybe this is one of those dreams. No, I guess it's real and I have to deal with it." And then it ends up being a dream anyway and I wake up. But one time it wasn't a dream! But I won't get into that.

This morning I slept in the bed of Anna's imaginary roommate. (I assume she's imaginary because she's never there when I visit.) There were two instances in which I awoke from the sensation of being trapped. The first instance was vague, but I remember trying to escape from a small space, and waking up feeling claustrophobic and relieved. The second time was more memorable. I dreamed that I lived in a little house the size of a coffin, but the shape of a house. I was all crouched in the little house, and it was basically just a hole in a vast amount of solid mass. There was no way out, because it was solid all around. I started to wonder how I could be living like this. Where would I get food, water, air? What would I do? I started to freak out and thinking there must be more to the world than just this; how do I escape from it? There must be a way out even though there is nothing but solid wall for miles all around me. Again, I was claustrophobic. I woke up, and I was so relieved that I had escaped. Maybe it was the heat. The room was over-heated.

I dreamed that I forgot that time was one-dimensional. Here's how it happened (this is all I can remember): I was talking to someone about how I we were going to do something for an hour. I was picturing an hour as being in the shape of a time zone on the surface of the earth, and I thought, wait, she can't mean that whole wedge all the way from the north pole to the south pole, so I said "An hour by what?" and then I was like "Wait. Time is only one dimensional. An hour is just an hour." Then I woke up.

But I remember reacting somewhat like I would if someone said I could have ten feet of floor space.

I dreamt that Anna had come home, and she had to go back to school again for an exam that she had decided not to take, but her Mom said she really should go back and take it, so she wouldn't be back until a lot later, because she was staying for a bunch of days - like right before Christmas. I was really mad, because she said she'd teach me how to make stained glass ornaments, and that wasn't going to happen yet. I was screaming at her.

Strange - I never get angry in real life, but I get angry in my dreams. I think it might be because in my dreams, people are so unreasonable that I can't communicate with them using normal logic. I get so frustrated with their lack of common sense that I blow up at them. Stupid dream people. But also I get a lot more passionate about things. I have to find some way to deal with everything around me that isn't making sense, that isn't going to turn out the right no matter what I say. It's like I don't influence people at all.

If you found out that you were invisible, wouldn't you start screaming and freaking out at people, trying to get them to notice you? Have you ever dreamed that you couldn't speak, no matter how hard you tried? It's kind of like those dreams - I could speak, but no one seemed to hear what I was saying. Maybe I'm beginning to understand why people get angry sometimes, because I haven't really understood that emotion much before.

I met a man this morning in my dream who said he was a vegetarian because he thought it was immoral to kill or eat living creatures. I asked him about insects, and he said yes, them too. He would never hurt a fly. But he does eat vegetables - he's not one of those dirt-eaters. Although I did bring them up. He turned out to be a really nice guy. When I woke up I remembered that he was protecting me from something. And I missed him. If only he were real.

Well, I have to get working on my crafts with the craft sale rapidly approaching. Bye.

I dreamed that I had for some reason sprinkled Abby’s homeopathic pills all over the floor of something, and after I realized it, I was trying to pick then up and discretely put them back into the tiny jar, without anyone noticing. Alyson Cole was there, and I was talking to her, and she was in a made where I thought and was hoping that she wouldn’t find out what I was doing, and even if she saw, she wouldn’t know what they were. She did see the white dots, though, and she asked me what they were. She said, “Are those sugar pills all over the floor?” I said “Shh!” She said, “Why are you being dishonest? You’re trying to put them back without Abby noticing?” Then I felt really bad. I thought “This is like one of those dreams where I’ve done something awful, and even though I have no control over it, I feel guilty and I’m in trouble.” Then I realized that I was dreaming. I saw Katrin. I said, “Hey, Katrin, did you know that I’m dreaming?” She said, “Either I’m dreaming or neither of us is, because I’m conscious.” Then I said, “No, you’re not.”

I dreamed that part of my family, including me, died and went to the spiritual world. I though, “Oh, good. Now I’ll be able to think clearly about spiritual things and understand them better.” I was looking for my conjugial partner, and there was this boy who was covered with crumbs. I was like, “This isn’t him!”

This morning I dreamed that there was this guy, kind of like the father in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, only instead of Windex, he always used hot dog fingers, a name he gave to hot dogs sliced flatly the long way. Some little girl spilled mustard on her shirt, and she was trying to wipe it off using other parts of her shirt, and her mom said to get some hot dog fingers to clean it up with, but the dad was using them to hold a baby.

This morning I dreamed that Pocahontas was in the narrow branch of the river, and had trouble paddling. Then it was raining blueberry muffins, and I was eating some. Later I wanted it to rain donuts, and it was raining water, but I saw a donut shape form in the sky, so then it started raining watery donuts, since it was partly raining and partly donuting...

I dreamed that...I thought we needed a new carpet, so I started spreading cream cheese on the carpet. Then I stopped and thought cream cheese would not be a good floor idea. It would be sticky and go bad. I picked up the pieces of cardboard that had cream cheese on them. Irene said no one else knows it, but the floor is full of sugar. It must have been from her chocolate incident. Mr. Fehon told me to pretend I was in a hotel, and order floor tiles. I went upstairs, but I didn’t know which number was room service...

I dreamed that ...We went to the Cathedral, and Melanie was saying something to me about how I forgot to pay the offering. I told mom, and she made a fool of herself. She borrowed a whole bunch of someone’s money, went up to the preacher while he was preaching, and asked for change. He was amused by it...

...[I dreamed] There was an old saying: “You can’t strike a rotten fish fresh.” Well, my finger was electrically charged, or I had some kind of electric device, and I touched a rotten fish, and it became fresh. In fact I touched it some more, and it started shrinking. It shunk intil it disappeared. I thought it was going to turn into an egg, but I didn’t see it do that.