Circles In My Head

Fall Out Boy has the most amusing song titles. Some examples From Under the Cork Tree:

- Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends
- Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued
- I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

I started having this frustrating obsession with Mere yesterday. I like their music more than Death Cab For Cutie now, and they look like an amazing live band. The problem is I've never seen any tour dates on their website or myspace page. I thought since they're from New Jersey it would be easy for me to see them, but I guess they either haven't been performing, or they've been keeping their concerts secret. The most frustrating thing is that I can't find anything out about them. The only thing on their website is a short bio and some albums to buy. They don't respond to my MySpace posts. I can't even find out the last name of the lead singer. And the worst part is, what kind of a name is Mere? How can I search for any information about them without finding several billion irrelevant search results? I tried searching "Switches & Dials," but that doesn't get far. For the quality of their music, there should be so much more hype about them.

Mere

Listen to this song:

Times

I know I need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, and it's been so long.
I long to feel you
I feel this need for you
and I need to hear you.
Is that so wrong?

Now you pulled me near you
when we're close I fear you
still I'm afraid to tell you
all that I've done.
Are you done forgiving?
Or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending
what I've become.
What have I become?

I hear you say "My love is over,
it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend.
Well my love is over, it's underneath
it's inside, it's in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and attempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
my love I will keep you by my power alone
I dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
I'll never forsake you
My love never ends, it never ends."

Usually I don't have much interest in female vocalists. When I found out Tracy Chapman was a woman, I lost interest. (I didn't know her name - I only knew some of her songs) I realized recently that I view music so much differently depending on the gender of the singer. But there's something about Avril Lavigne. Something about her disposition, or the character that she portrays in her lyrics, I don't know exactly. Most women's music is either too melancholy and amorphous (Sarah Mclachlan) or too short-lived or skin-deep (Rihanna). I like both of those singers pretty well, but Avril's music is upbeat enough to hold my interest yet deep enough for me to get attached to it. I like her far better now than any other female singer I've heard. The album I have now is Let Go, her first album. I don't know what the others are like yet.

Ordinary

I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this, but let me just express my own opinion...

I think Bella's Lullaby from the Twilight movie is absolutely perfect! When I first heard it in the movie I was like, what is this song, and where did they get it? It's perfect! Well it started as the background music in a forest scene, but in the next scene it shows Edward playing it on the piano in front of Bella, implying that it's Bella's Lullaby, a song from the book that Edward composed that was inspired by his love for Bella. I think the song in the movie expresses everything that I love about the whole twilight world - both the books and the movie - and it just sums up the way I see Bella and Edward, and it ties together the book and the movie for me. I know there are a lot of things lacking about the movie, but after a while it doesn't seem to matter anymore. Something is right about it. I can't really explain it, but Carter Burwell is a genius.

Anyway, thanks, Coleman, for the soundtrack.

I'm falling in love with Mere's music. Mere MySpace

Hmm... Let's see - it's changed since last time.

1. Lifehouse by Lifehouse
2. Who We Are by Lifehouse
3. Make Yourself Believe by Myster-E
4. No Name Face by Lifehouse
5. Stanley Climbfall by Lifehouse
6. History for Sale by Blue October
7. Diff's Lucky Day by Blyss
8. Minutes to Midnight by Linkin Park
9. How to Save a Life by the Fray
10. Don't You Fake It by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

6 out of 10 of these are Jason Wade albums. Is that embarrassing?

Womanizer, woman, womanizer, you're a womanizer, oh, womanizer, oh, you're a womanizer, baby. You, you you are, you, you you are womanizer womanizer womanizer.

You can make fun of me if you want, but I really like the beat of this new Britney Spears single. Sometimes pop music is just the thing. And look at the depth of those lyrics.

POP music, eh? Well, when I think pop, I think of the Backstreet Boys, but that's kind of old news, isn't it? But I guess it's about my perspective. I could just try to find out who the most popular band is right now (I have no idea) and say them, but what's with all the objective writer's block questions? This is supposed to be my opinion on something. So the Backstreet Boys, I'm going to stick with. I still have their CD, actually. It's not in my iTunes, but I have it physically. Hey, are you impressed that I didn't mention Lifehouse? Oh, shoot!

Some people like to interpret music their own way so it can have a unique meaning for them, and they don't care what the song is "supposed" to be about. Some songwriters like to leave their music open to interpretation to accomodate to these people. Maybe I used to be like that, but music always left me with an emptiness, whenever I heard a song that I felt like I connected to in some vague way. I don't care when I like the song because it sounds cool and it has a catchy tune. But if I think I see meaning in it, I want to know where that meaning came from. I can't just leave it floating by, like a balloon with no anchor. So that's why I always ask, "What's this song about?" And I don't just want an interpretation - I want to know what the songwriter meant by it. Without that connection, the song doesn't really mean anything except a way of describing how I think of myself. I can't say the song makes me resonate with its writer unless I know that I think of it the same way they do.

If you're a music fan, you know that bands are often accused of "selling out." I'm kind of confused by this concept, though. I've never understood it. What does it mean? Trying to make music that most people will like so you can sell more records? And if you're doing that, doesn't it mean you're stretching yourself and trying to reach more people? If music is your career, then you have to try to make money doing it, especially since it's not that easy for musicians to get rich. I'm confused when people "accuse" bands of doing this. What should you do, just make music that sounds the same as the music you've always made when you first started getting fans? 'Cause whatever you do, if you get more popular as your music evolves, those first fans are going to feel like you left them behind. So what does it mean to be a truly successful musician? What does it mean to be true to who you are? And what does it mean to be a sell-out?

So I've been working on a project for the New Church Music website. It involves going through the Liturgy of songs and categorizing each song, and adding tags that aren't in the lyrics for searching. The categories are things like qualities of the Lord and things that come from the Lord, and responses to the Lord. I think it's a pretty neat process for me. So far, it seems like more of a religious experience than reading the word or going to church. Most of the songs in the Liturgy emphasize the best qualities of the Lord. I've never paid as much attention to the words and meanings of the songs as I am now, and as I'm reading them, I'm continually impresses with how good the Lord really is. That combined with the fact the I love some of these songs so much already, almost makes my heart melt when I read them so closely like this.

And maybe it's also because this past year I've come to love music so much, especially music with strong religious messages in it (like Lifehouse). I think Lifehouse made me love religious music in general a lot more than I used to. Lifehouse's music is so personal, and it makes God seem like someone, rather than an just an entity. At least that's how I see it.

Examples:
Fool
Storm
Joshua
Anchor
What's Wrong With That

Well, I originally decided to put this song on YouTube because you can't get it anywhere and I wanted to put it out there. I ended up staying up until 5 A.M. working on this animation because I couldn't stop. Don't worry - it's not depressing like the last one. It's really light and fun, and also really weird.



The music is "Hey Now Now" by Myster-E with Jason Wade, and I don't know who the woman singing is. If anyone knows, tell me.

I wish there were more things like Pandora. I wish we could find new poetry, art, books, and movies we like as easily as we can find new music on Pandora. Or as easily as I can, anyway. I hardly find any of those other things that I like. My music taste is pretty mainstream, but my taste in everything else is so obscure, I have no idea where to find it. There's probably some poet out there like me that no one knows about, and he writes the poetry that I would like the most if I could ever find it. There's probably some filmmaker out there that no one knows about, some author, some artist... but most of the stuff I find is so boring, so dull, so typical, so formulaic that I'm not going to go through it all to find what I like.

Movies - they always happen a number of ways. Most of them I'm pretty tired of. I think most movies are too long for their content. They can be all right for the first half, and then the rest is just a bunch of unnecessary, over-dramatic complications. Or they start out really confusing and boring, and things start to fall into place and it's good for a while, but then the end is always a bunch of unnecessary complications, anyway. Why can't they be different, or simple, like real life, or just give more time and focus to each situation, instead of just adding more and more plot? I want to see more character in the characters I like. I want to see how they react to normal and unusual situations, but not absurdly unusual, because then the characters fall flat and I can't trust them anymore.

Same with books. As for art and poetry, I want to see more like my own.

I wrote a list of songs
For you to cover
When you have a band.
I thought of all the perfect words
You'd say to me to understand
Me. I created you,
The perfect lover
Out of nothing, and I didn't think I could
But now you've come to life
And you're so good
That I'm in love with you.
______________________________

Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World
Fix You - Coldplay
Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Heaven Forbid - The Fray
All in All - Lifehouse

This song got my attention on the radio: What do you think of it?

I had to mow the lawn today, and this kept coming into my head:

Mow the Lawn (Move Along by the All American Rejects)

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you wait everything stands.
Another day and you've had your fill of sprinkling
On the ground you keep your
Grass you have to mow.
This grass is meant to grow.

Go outside,
When all the summer heat is strong,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn like I know you do.
And even when the path is gone,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn, just to make it through.
Mow the lawn.
Mow the lawn.

So a day when you've put it off completely
Could be a night when everything's dark.
Go outside and and the grass is to your knees
And you know right now your
Grass you have to mow.
This grass is meant to grow.

Go outside,
When all the summer heat is strong,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn like I know you do.
And even when the path is gone,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn, just to make it through.
Mow the lawn.

Go on, go on, go on, go on,
When everything in long, we mow the lawn.
Go on, go on, go on, go on,
When everything is long, we mow the lawn.
The lawn, the lawn, the lawn, the lawn.

When all the summer heat is strong,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn like I know you do.
And even when the path is gone,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn, just to make it through.
When all the summer heat is strong,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn like I know you do.
And even when the path is gone,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn, just to make it through.
When all the summer heat is strong,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn like I know you do.
And even when the path is gone,
Mow the lawn, mow the lawn, just to make it through.
Mow the lawn.

Go on, go on, go on, go on,
Cut down what is long,
We mow the lawn.
Go on, go on, go on, go on,
Cut down what is long,
We mow the lawn.
Go on, go on, go on, go on,
Cut down what is long,
We mow the lawn.

So bands friend me on MySpace all the time if they think they sound like Lifehouse and they're trying to get popular, and usually they don't sound that good. But New Heights friended me the other day, and there was just something about them. Maybe it's just the songs they have up - I never know with bands that only have one EP out, but I think this one is promising. Although they just changed their songs, and took down my favorite, "If I Could." I still love "Peaches," though. I'll just have to wait and see, if I ever get their album. They live in Seattle and they're a Christian band. New Heights' MySpace

1. Lifehouse - Lifehouse
2. Who We Are - Lifehouse
3. No Name Face - Lifehouse
4. Stanley Climbfall - Lifehouse
5. How to Save a Life - The Fray
6. Dizzy Up the Girl - The Goo Goo Dolls
7. Mad Season - Matchbox Twenty
8. History For Sale - Blue October
9. Diff's Lucky Day - Lifehouse/Blyss
10. V - Live

Okay, so I'm a little biased. What are yours?

So I'm learning some songs on the piano. It's fun. I don't know how to read music to piano, or even find a G on a piano. But I know that the notes go from low to high, and I know when something doesn't sound like it should, so basically I get out my ipod and try to play what I hear. I've gotten almost all the way through Signs of Life and I'm working on Learn You Inside Out. I also started playing Eighties, even though it's on guitar. But it's mostly a pattern of successive notes - very little overlap.

I don't like the sound of the piano. I much prefer acoustic guitar, but the piano is just so straightforward, simple, intuitive, and painless. Besides, I don't have a guitar in my house. Maybe someday.
______________

My face hurts. I think I'm getting a cold. My fault, and it was worth every cold hour I spent all night on the boardwalk waiting to see Lifehouse in the morning. That's just the price we have to pay to see our favorite band up close. At least it's not excessive amounts of money. I don't know how lucky I am.

Don't get your hopes up - it doesn't exist. But I was thinking of what I would want to have, and I have ideas for it, but putting it together would be quite a task. First of all, this all started as I was thinking how great a thing Pandora is. Pandora is awesome - if you let it run a long time, it will introduce you to new music and document all the music you like. So after a while you just have this library of all the songs you've approved on Pandora. It's like having an infinite music library for free, but it paces the music for you so you can't just listen to your favorite songs whenever you want and tire them out. Then I started thinking of ways in which Pandora could be even better.

So here's me ultimate music network idea: let's just start with Pandora as a base.

1. All the features of Pandora.

For one thing, you can't just add songs to your Pandora list, you have to wait for Pandora to play a certain song. And adding a song seed doesn't automatically approve the song. So for this network website that I want;

2. You would be able to add any songs from Pandora's database to your list of approved songs.
3. There would be at least 3 levels of approval for a song, based on how much you like it.

Now comes the really cool features:

4. The network would have an algorythm that automatically generates and ranks a list of your favorite artists based on how much you like the songs, and how many songs you've denied.
5. You could tamper with your ranking of favorite artists to correct it.
6. Based on your ranking of favorite artists, and maybe even individual songs, it would generate a list of people in the network who have the most similar music tastes as you do. You could then contact them if you wanted to.

So that's it. Who wants to make it for me? I could try and figure out the best algorythm to use. There are complicated things like, if an artist has 200 songs, and you like 75 of them, do you like that artist less than one that has 30 songs and you like 20 of them? Because I tend to like artists more the more of their music I know - I would probably like The Fray more if they had more music. I'd have to get some input from other music lovers.

I made my first animated music video, and put it on YouTube. Here it is: "Signs of Life" by Lifehouse. I did all the drawing myself on the computer, but a lot of them are re-used drawings that I already had.


( some commentary about the video )

They were the first band I got obsessed with. But I never got to see them - I couldn't drive, and no one would drive me. It's kind of sad to think about what could have been. But I never thought I'd get a second chance - I never thought I would go through that stage all over again with someone else. I thought I grew out of it. It's kind of nice, though. But as I remember now, I don't think I could ever articulate why I liked the Goo Goo Dolls so much. I think it was mostly in my head. I mean I liked the music, but I had no idea what it was about, and I had to make things up about what I wanted it to mean. And now that I look back on it, it seems like such a shallow obsession. Makes sense - I was 15 years old. I hardly even remember it.

Okay, back to posting articles and stories that I wrote in college. Don't be disillusioned by that last story - the rest of them are really short. But you might notice I have a tendency toward the second person.
____________________________________

The Songs Long Ago

Once upon a time, there was a realm of musical people. One of them was you. You, just like everyone else in that realm, had a sphere of music emanating from you: your own song, which played constantly in your head, and outside of your head, too, and changed slightly from time to time according to your mood and state of mind. You never got tired of it; it embodied everything you loved, even though it was always just a few simple notes.

Every time you encountered another person, you heard their song and your own at the same time. Since everyone’s songs had the same timing, they often harmonized well with each other. Sometimes you found people whose songs harmonized nearly perfectly with yours.

If a really big group of people got together, you would hear a sound that wasn’t a song exactly, but an array of simultaneous tones.

Then you thought, “If only we didn’t have pre-established music, we could try and create our own.” So you went to the magical music well, and you wished that people could have the freedom to create their own music. Your wish was granted.

All the music in the people’s heads stopped. The world was quiet. You had a blank slate. You tried to make your own music. You learned how to sing and play instruments, and you created the best music you could. Everyone did. But you realized that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t write or play or sing anything that was as good as the music that was in your head before. You missed it, and you wanted it back. You went back to the magical music well, and you wished for your music back. “You’ll get it back eventually,” said the well. You were satisfied, so you went back to your music studio, and kept creating music. Thus lived the world, and they forgot.

Well, I actually decided that I'm getting something that I didn't put on the poll: Don't You Fake It by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I got really excited about that band suddenly and I think I made a good decision, although it hasn't been finalized yet. I don't know what it is - you must think I'm crazy! Ha ha, well, if I haven't given you reason to believe it already, but when I was driving home tonight, I was really excited, but I forgot what I was excited about. Then I remembered, it was because I was going to buy that album, and I can't wait to go to the store this afternoon! I can't believe I almost didn't put it on the list! I'm so excited I can't go to sleep. Well, maybe it's all the cake I ate at the birthday party.

Well, hi, again. I have a gift card and I'm trying to figure out which music I want. I think I can buy approximately 3 albums, and I've narrowed it down to these 11. I don't know why I'm having you vote. I don't think it will influence my decision. But I'm just curious to see the results. Okay, have at it.


Poll #1153962 Which Albums Should I Buy?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4

Which albums should I buy? Vote for as many as you want.

Ever since I decided to buy some new music, my musical priorities got all out of whack and I have to re-evaluate the bands that I thought I liked but I haven't really heard much so it's hard to tell. Jimmy Eat World and the Red Jumpuit Apparatus have some really great radio singles - perhaps the best I've ever heard. But their other album music isn't really up to my taste. Same with Relient K. Now I'm re-considering people like Matt Nathanson, Joshua Radin, and Landon Pigg, who I didn't really think very much of until recently. And I don't know how I feel about Dashboard Confessional anymore. I was really excited about them for like a day, but I bought one of their albums and I'm not so excited about them anymore. I never put this much thought into buying music before, but I did most of my previous purchasing before I discovered YouTube.

I was talking to some people today, and I realized that music has reached its full potential in my eyes, but no other media has. Books, comics, poetry, movies - these could all improve somehow. This is only my own perspective, and I'm sure others disagree. What I mean is, with all of these kinds of literature, I can think of ways that they could be done that I would like, and I haven't ever encountered anything like that. I can think of ways books could be written that would make me enjoy them more. I can think of poems that I write that I like much more than anything I've read. But I can't think of any way that the music I love the most could be any better than it is.

And it occurred to me: maybe that's why I can't, and don't think I'll ever be able to, write music. It doesn't have to do with the fact that I've never studied an instrument or learned to write in musical notation. Because I've never learned anything about movie production, and I've still gotten urges to create movies.

The thing for me is that in order to want to be creative in a certain field, I have to see a lack of something in the existing media. For instance, I read the "funny" greeting cards at the store, and they say things like, "I don't think you're a good mom - I think you're a GREAT mom!" or something - that was the kind of thing that popped into my head at the moment. And I said to myself "That's not funny. I could come up with better cards than this." And then I went home, and six weeks later I designed some cards.

Well, I have high standards for the media. I'm easily bored. I'll often watch half of a movie and then walk out. So I can usually think of ways that I would like things better, and that makes me creative in a lot of fields. I like to write poetry, comics, short stories, pictures... but I think if I tried to write music, I would always think that it wasn't good enough, because there would always be something I liked better that I didn't write. But I wouldn't change that, because music is such an important part of my life, and if I discovered I could write it the way I liked it, then the magic would be gone from it.

numbers = order of preference
red = most important




( yeah )

Wow. Ever since I upgraded my account I've been so obsessed with posting pictures that I haven't acually "written" an entire entry without some sort of visual illustration. Well, let's see if I can go this entire post without posting any drawings. It's gonna be hard.

So, what have I been up to? For all of you who read my jounrnal to keep track of my life instead of talking to me. Good method, by the way, especially when I'm in my hermit stage of my life, and not really wanting to talk to people. "It's not you, it's me," I should tell them.

But I still love music, is one thing. Especially - there are a few songs that I've come to love recently, and I've come to realize something: I'm not really a heavy-metal hard-rock kind of person, but sometimes those kinds of bands - the ones that usually play hard music - make softer, more melodic music, and that is some of the best music there is. So there are a bunch of bands I think of as mediocre, but they all have this one song that I absolutely love. For example, I love Stone Sour's "Through Glass" but their other music is too hard. Right now I'm in love with the popular "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. (not an apt example. Most of their stuff is pretty good.) I also came across "On My Own" by the Used. And wow. I mean most bands that usually make these kinds of songs don't make songs this good. What's the deal?

I was looking for something - at first I thought there might be a facebook application, but I couldn't find one - that would connect people based on what music they liked. Hey, I guess the problem with that is that everyone's profile on facebook can only be accessed within a network, and music is part of that. Anyway, if I was on some networking website, and I had a list of bands that I liked, I want something to generate a bunch of other people who like most of the same bands as I do. It's not that complicated. It's like a dating-matching thing with only one dimension. Does anyone know of a website that does that? Does MySpace do that?

In popular music: Why is it that very often when there is a female voice, it's usually just a person, but when there's a male voice, it's a band? I realize this isn't always true, but it seems like it works out like that most of the time.

What nostalgic mystery
Before the internet.
We played the radio
And songs would be forgotten
Almost,
lightly trapped inside melodic history --
But then somewhere
Behind the mind
I'd find a long lost lyric
And I'd long
To hear the song again
Not knowing, only somewhere on the air,
Where to hear it.
But the mystery diminishes
I'd find it in a instant
Just by googling a phrase,
Title, artist, YouTube, song.

One of my favorite songs. This is the melancholy death of one of my Pandora stations - this is the last song on the station, and after this, I'm moving the song and killing the station. It's such a profound song for its death. But from now on everything will be purer and more beautiful. I love Pandora because of that. Everything can become more and more perfect, and still grow in its variety.

Amazing how I find things to fill empty spaces in me so quickly. I've been looking for things that are fulfilling, and I really like music a lot. Like I wrote in my private post, I like Dashboard Confessional more every time I think about it.

I really like this song: Vindicated

For instance. Chris, the lead singer and writer and pretty much the whole deal, is very charismatic end energetic when performing, which is one of the things that snagged me about this band. That's one of the things that I like in a band, and now I know, since I've been to concerts, what is so amazing about being at a musical performance, and what makes it good. (at least for me)

"You see I never thought enough of myself
To realize
That losing me could mean something
Like the tears in your eyes."

-Eels (I'm Gonna Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart)


"I know that you are watching me somewhere
Over the moon
Shouting down that you love me
Wondering why I can't hear you."

-Lifehouse (Midnight In Philadelphia)


"Bird came to my window and said, 'What?
You let me in here once, now what the hell?
What I wouldn't give for arms to hold you.
We are creatures of such like desire.'
I said 'Sorry, but I didn't mean it then.
Now I know that I am sorrier than I have ever been.'"

-Christine Fellows (Bird As Prophet)


"I don't want you to know where I am
'Cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been."

-Relient K (Who I Am Hates Who I've Been)


"I am reaching for you but my arms aren't long enough.
I am running to you, if I could go a little faster.
I am crying to you but I can't hear my own voice.
I am waiting for you
And trying not to fall asleep now."

-Lifehouse (Fool)


"Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why.
Hold on tight. Wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright."

-The Fray (Heaven Forbid)


"Take my security from me
And maybe finally
I won't have to know everthing."

-Lifehouse (Unknown)


"I know
That I'll never be alone.
You will never let me go.
You are my anchor.
Hold my hand
While I'm sinking in the sand.
No one else could understand.
You are my anchor."

-Lifehouse (Anchor)

I was wondering about music. How is it that certain sounds can express exact emotions better that I could ever describe them in words? Sometimes I can even identify an exact affection that's linked to a piece of music - an experience or charictaristic that I enjoy or lack in myself. What are the correspondences of sound that makes affections come through music so readily? It's almost like a universal language - like there are certain chord changes that express loneliness, others that express joy... Maybe people hear it different ways, though. Like a song to one person could mean nostalgia, and to another could mean loneliness. Like does everyone see green as the same color, and if not, how would you describe the difference? You can't really explain it any other way, likewise with the affections in music.

I guess everyone gets different things out of music, but I think that if you like the same music as someone else, it means something about the compatibility of your affections. I mean, if you are affected by music as much as I am. It means a lot to me.

You don't know someone until you've walked a mile with their ipod.

Some people say that songs are poetry with music. Well, I don't know whether some people say that, but I'm sure that someone somewhere in the world says that. I try to think of poetry and lyrics as different things. Some lyrics start out as poetry, and are put to song. Okay, I said to those lyrics--you can be poetry. But when lyrics are written simultaneously with music or for the music, after the music has been written, then I don't think it's poetry. Because then the lyrics don't have to hold their own rhythm. They have the music to hold them in place, and when you take away the music, the rhythm probably no longer exists, unless it's obvious.

I like music better than poetry in general, but I can't write music. Theoretically I might be able to figure out how, but the inspiration would come faster than I could put down the notes. And I don't know how to create harmony by myself, because I don't know any instruments.

So I was realizing the other day, I think the poetry I write is envious of music. Although I am unable to find much poetry which can compare to my own (in my own conceited mind), I can find much music which is much better than any poetry I could ever write. Maybe I'm just saying this now because I'm in a phase of musical obsession.

Music is so much more distinct and emotional than poetry. My poetry tries to be distinct in its rhythmic qualities, and I often wish I could give it more freedom to have unpredictable distinct rhythm, but that can't be easily marked down or picked up by the reader, and is likely to turn into a garbled mess of rhythmic confusion, just like lyrics without their musical structure.

I think I'm starting to like rap music. That's wierd. I never thought of myself as someone who would like rap. It's just that sometimes, when I'm in the car on the way home, I'm flipping through the different stations, and one is playing a rap song with a melodic undertone, infused with energy, and another station is playing the kind of music that I "stereo"-typically listen to, and if I let go of my bias, I find that I would really rather listen to the rap song. When I'm driving by myself, I don't have to worry about the kind of music that I listen to, and what other people think of it, except for myself. Sometimes I disapprove of the music that I like. Sometimes I hear a song that I really like, and then I find out that it's by an artist that I think I should hate. I understand why Malcolm couldn't figure out my taste in music by looking at my collection. Even I can't figure it out.